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How to Ask if Your Dog Really Likes to be Patted

11/12/2015

11 Comments

 
It’s a fact. Not all dogs like to be patted. Those that do don’t always like to be patted on the head. Dogs have preferences as to where and how they like to be touched. They also have preferences of who they like to be touched by. Just because they love a chest scratch from their care giver, doesn’t mean they want the same from a stranger. Even in the same household a dog may enjoy a particular interaction from one member of the family, but not from a different member. The good news is that it’s easy to ask a dog if they like the way they are being touched. It simply requires some knowledge about dog communication and body language.
 
I’ve made a video to demonstrate a simple way to ask your dog how he/she likes to be patted. It’s as simple as starting to pat your dog and then stopping and noting the response.​ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jU4TKzBOzw4
Another common theme is that people are sure that their dog likes being hugged. I sometimes ask them to show me - because some dogs don't mind at all. The majority don't actually enjoy the interaction. Once the "no" signals have been discussed, it's amazing how many of these signs are recognized. Before the hug begins, many little dogs are almost chased down and picked up while they are trying to avoid the impending interaction. If you bend down and your little dog moves away, they probably don't like being picked up much, let alone hugged. Many dogs tolerate our hugs but don't actually enjoy them. Some dogs don't mind a hug from their special people, but don't want the same affection from others.

Here’s a quick summary of how dogs say “yes” or “no”. Sometimes they say “maybe”. I suspect they are conflicted at times because they want our attention but don’t like the type of attention they are getting. It’s the classic walk away and then come back and then walk away routine. I've heard many times, "Well if he didn't like it, why does he keep coming back?" Once we change our approach, a “maybe” can soon become a “yes”. Be aware that all dog body language needs to be observed with consideration of the context within which it occurs, the rest of the dog’s body language (not just one part of the dog)  and the individual dog involved. Just like people, different dogs have little idiosyncrasies and styles of communicating.

Body language that says “Yes”:
  • Moving into your space, coming to you for physical contact
  • Nudging a head into your hand or lap
  • Pawing your hand, trying to move it closer
  • Leaning into you
  • Lying down near you, touching you or flopping onto you
  • Face, mouth and eyes are relaxed, even droopy
 
Body language that says “No”:
  • Moving away from you, especially if they don’t return or leave the area - This is so important to take notice of. If a dog does not come to you, do not go to the dog and invade the dog's space, especially if you do not know the dog. Do not put dogs in situations where they cannot move away or escape from a patting interaction you think is pleasant but they don't appreciate
  • Leaning away from you.
  • Turning the head away
  • Looking away from you with the eyes
  • Shying away or ducking the head away from your hand
  • Rolling the eyes away to show the whites of the eye (whale eye)
  • Yawning
  • Licking the lips
  • Freezing (a tense stillness as opposed to a relaxed stillness)
If you miss the more subtle "no", communication may escalate to become more obvious and effective. Dogs who really find patting aversive (i.e. hate it and can't wait to escape) may learn to skip the subtle requests if history has shown that no-one ever listens.
  • Growling
  • Snapping
  • Biting

 Body language that could mean “Yes” or “No”:
  • Licking your face or hands. This can be asking for space or for you to stop. It is a common appeasement signal. Appeasement behaviours function to reduce or get rid of some part of the interaction which they do not like without using overt aggression. It can also be a sign of affection from a very mouthy, licky dog.
  • Rolling over. If the dog is tense, lips are drawn back and tense, this means "no". It is another appeasement behaviour. If the dog is floppy and the eyes are soft or closed, this means “rub mah belly”. Refer to the pictures below.
Picture
Picture
​Appeasement Roll Over:
​
*  Ears pinned back (one forward due to pressure of couch)
*  
Tight mouth, pulled back at commissure
*  
Front paws tucked tight, not relaxed
*  
Quick lick lip
​*  
Back legs rolling partially open but tense
Picture
 Rub Mah Belly Roll Over:
*  Mouth relaxed (floppy gums dropping with gravity, exposing teeth)
*  ​
Front legs floppy and relaxed
*  
Back legs relaxed, flopping wide open with gravity
*  
Skin around eyes soft, not taut
*  
Body relaxed, stretched out fully, lying fully on back

​
  • Paw raised. If the dog is tense and the body is leaning away, it means “no”. If the dog is leaning towards you and body is relaxed, it can be “yes” or "maybe".
  • Walking away. Some dogs will walk away and come back. They may want attention from you, but not the sort you are giving. If you change what you are doing, they may stay.
  • Mouthing the hand. This may mean “no” if it occurs whilst you are petting and stops when you stop. Some dogs show affection by mouthing, so they may gently mouth your hand as you pat them. If it occurs when you stop petting, it could be a mouthy dog requesting for you to continue. In the video, Turbo mouths when the patting stops to get it to start again. He stops mouthing when the person is patting him. When it happens it very important. Does the dog mouth to stop you, or to get you to start again?
  • Being motionless. If the dog is relaxed and motionless they may be enjoying the pat. They may lean ever so slightly into your touch, with all the other signs of enjoyment (soft eyes, ears, mouth). If they have “frozen” and are tense or rigid under your touch, almost resisting relaxation or holding their breath, they are probably not enjoying the patting and are waiting for it to stop. You can often feel a pounding heart under the chest of a dog who is very still but not enjoying the contact.
  • Lots of wiggling. Some dogs are happy, wiggly, bouncy balls of exuberance who can’t stop moving when they are enjoying an activity. Others are nervous, uncomfortable wigglers who are torn between wanting some attention from you but not liking where or how they are being touched.
 
I'm encouraged by the comments I’ve read on social media. Many people notice a difference in the way their dog approaches, stays and responds to them when they take the time to observe, ask the dog and accommodate what he/she enjoys.
 
Have a try. Ask your dog and let me know the answer.
 
Want to practice more observations skills? Read this other great blog and video on the same topic:
 
http://eileenanddogs.com/2012/08/29/does-your-dog-really-want-to-be-petted/

Here are some great resources which Eileenanddogs.com recommends in her blog. She is spot on with her recommendations, so with her permission, I've included them just as she has recommended. You can never get enough of the good stuff.​ Go check out her blog.

Recommended Resources:

"Doggonesafe.com: How to Love Your Dog –  Believe it or Not. This little gem describes ways to ask the dog’s consent, encourages getting to know one’s dog’s language, and suggests ways that humans and dogs can be physically close to each other without intimidating or “over-touching” the dog. The whole website has great stuff about learning to read dogs and keeping kids safe around them.

Dogs Like Kids They Feel Safe With. This is a wonderful movie about teaching dogs with a clicker and teaching children with TAGteach with the goal of comfortable and safe interaction between the two. Children who are fearful and and children who tend to overdo with animals are both included. The children are taught about asking the adult handler’s and the dog’s consent.

Dr. Sophia Yin has a wealth of information on dog body language, polite greeting behavior (from humans), and low stress handling. Here is a page with a load of information. Free Downloads: Posters, Handouts, and More.

Family Paws is another great site that focuses on safe interactions between dogs and their human family members, with special emphasis on education for expecting families and families with infants. Here is founder Jennifer Shryock doing a great analysis of a now infamous human/dog petting session gone wrong, with nice explanations of the mismatch between dog and human communication and expectations.

Observation Skills for Training Dogs. That great FaceBook group I have mentioned before."

© Sonya Bevan
Dogcharming.com.au

Thank you to Eileen Anderson for sharing her blog and resource recommendations, Steph Walker for her pictures of Reggie and Bodel Mitchell for sharing Zoe with me.
11 Comments
Karen
12/12/2015 03:28:40 am

This is a great one for kids (as well as adults to watch). I had some friends staying who have a dog. My dog is one of their dog's best friend. We were visiting with my sister who also has a dog, but these kids had only just met him. The youngest friend (11) was petting my sisters dog and he was loving it, but then she leant over him and gave him a hug and he nipped her, because he couldn't get away. She got a bit of a fright, but there was no harm done, just a warning from the dog. I had to remind her that, that just because her dog likes being hugged, it doesn't mean all dogs do, and you need to be especially careful doing it with dogs you don't know. This is great.

Reply
Sonya Bevan link
12/12/2015 11:01:16 am

Hi Karen, Thanks for your lovely comment. I'm so glad you found it useful. You are so correct - kids really benefit from knowing how to understand what dogs are saying. Did you watch one of the videos in the "recommended resources" section - Dogs Like Kids They Feel Safe With? http://www.dogsandbabieslearning.com/videos/ I really liked how it helped children who were frightened of dogs AND those who loved dogs TOO much LOL Not to mention helping the dog learn not to jump on children. Thanks again for commenting.

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http://top-essays-uk.com/ link
13/1/2016 04:30:12 pm

We always need to be careful while making some contacts with our dogs. That's a good example of that. Kids should also know this. I think you've done an amazing job posting this information and sharing this. Thanks!
Ann

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Sonya Bevan link
13/1/2016 05:14:15 pm

Thanks for your comment and encouraging words. It's always lovely to hear positive feedback and that someone appreciates the content.

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Addison link
1/6/2016 12:39:27 pm

Legs

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Xanthe link
7/2/2017 08:39:27 pm

This is a great post and I also like your videos. Mutual respect including touch is so important for developing a bond of trust and also for safety. As a pet sitter, I always let dogs and cats come to me in their own time - they quickly come to trust me and it's the safest way too (have cared for pets with a history of fear aggression for example).

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Sonya Bevan link
9/2/2017 06:22:25 pm

Thanks for letting me know you liked this post and my videos. It's always nice to know what people find interesting. A big "yes" to letting dogs and cats come to us in their own time. I agree that it's a good way to gain their trust rather than intruding on their space and much safer when dealing with fearful animals.

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Shara link
14/7/2018 05:34:35 pm

Great post and the video which you have shared with us is also excellent. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Reply
Sonya link
14/7/2018 05:59:08 pm

Hi Shara. Thanks for your comment. I'm glad you found it useful.

Reply
Madison Finley link
21/11/2020 05:34:47 am

Awesome post! It's absolutely important for us to recognize a dog's personal space. Thanks for sharing this.

Reply
Sonya Bevan
22/11/2020 08:30:22 am

Hi Madison, Thanks for reading and commenting. I agree: respecting personal space is important for dogs ... and humans 😉

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    Sonya Bevan is an avid dog lover with a Bachelor of Science degree in physiotherapy. This combination lead to seeking science based information on how to teach dogs and she commenced further study to complete a Diploma of Canine Behaviour Science and Technology. Dog training is both a science and an art. When based on solid principles of behavioural science,  teaching also allows creativity when applied to each unique dog. Most of all, it should be fun for both participants and a way to bond with these special animals we love so much.

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